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Buck Rampage vs Cougar.....The Conclusion

cougar american pie.jpg****Since we are leaving soon, we are going to Turn Back the Clock a little bit on some of our best posts. Here is Buck's conclusion to his adventure with his Cougar from August 2007. Click Part 1 to read the beginning.

So, where did Jack leave off? Oh yes, the ride to the airport. Now before we get to this much anticipated "Conclusion", I think everyone needs to know that this is my first foray into the world of Cougars. Actually, I'm not sure if you could even call it my own foray, as I was pulled into this situation by said Cougar. She had an unshakable force about her, much like gravity, she was relentless. Without further ado, here it goes.

Note: I believe the Cougar to be 35-40 yrs old. I don't think she is married (ie. no ring). I don't know if she has kids. Those three questions were never asked. I don't believe any of those questions should have been asked in this situation. I disagree with Jack's assessment of "fairly' good looking in the comment section of the first post. I would say she was above that. We'll just say straight up good looking. Especially for a 35-40 yr. old. Totally unbiased opinion. Ha.

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The ride to the airport was very uneventful, as Burt was in the car with the Cougar and myself. The Cougar was riding shotgun in my shiny new '07 Prius rental. She was digging my ride and my driving. I protect the environment and hunt Cougars all at the same time, I'm that good. We began game planning for the night ahead. You see, the Cougar and I had similar flight times but we were in different terminals at the airport. I came up with the ingenius plan to check in my luggage beforehand and then make the trek over to her terminal.

wildcat-cougar.jpgAs I embarked on my journey, I had many thoughts running through my head, such as if I was going to bag the Cougar in the bathroom stall? If the chance arose, I most definitely would. Suddenly, I was awoken from my daydreams by the sight of the Cougar calling me on the cell. We decided to sit down for drinks and appetizers at one of the airports many fine eateries. We headed to the bar area and sat at a six seater across from each other. Drinks were ordered, gazes were given, and conversations were had. The Cougar was not very fond of beer, but ordered one nonetheless. I believe she made the comment that after two beers she would be feeling good. Ka-CHING! One more round waitress! Food was ordered, eyelases fluttered, and conversation continued. We discussed the debacle of people sitting on the same side of a booth since we had somewhat the same quandry, albeit at a bar/table instead of a booth. I'm against same side sitting, the Cougar was all for it. Note taken. It appeared that I was either on my game or the Cougar needed a kill and needed it quickly because I could do no wrong with word or deed.

All of a sudden things took a turn for the worse as a hostess sat three men, who were ultimately enamoured with the Cougar, at our table. More drinks were ordered, frustrations grew, and Rampage went on the offensive. We all made introductions and small talk and luckily the Cougar still only had eyes for the Rampage. All of us at the table were waiting for flights that had been delayed. We setup a rotation to go check the flight status on the displays outside the restaurant. After returning from my turn to check the flights, I made the move to sit next to the Cougar. See "Note taken" above. (I still feel I did not break my same side sitting stance since other people were at the table) What a move it was. The Cougar was immediately all over me. Slight arm touching was a thing of the past. Now it was full on contact. We had progressed to leg caressing among other things. I dared not stand up. I still wish I could have known what the three guys at the table were thinking. They had to be looking at me, this young guy pulling their type of tail and just saying "that little shit".

The next event I'm not exactly proud to tell, but I must, since the Brigade demands it. The Cougar put on some chapstick/lip balm to accentuate her pouty lips and gave me the "pucker" look. Well, the Rampage dove right in and got some of that chapstick right from her lips. I know, very middle schoolish, but I'd do it again.

cougar pie.jpg

More drinks, inebriation setting in, and more conversation. Eventually, the time to depart was upon us. The Cougar walked with me to the brink of my terminal. Goodbyes were said. The Cougar told me to call her if my flight was cancelled because get this, she would purposefully miss her flight. Ka-CHING! A final embrace was given and after the release, the look of seduction was in her eyes. The Rampage took advantage and went in for the kiss. It wasn't anything gratuitous, maybe 8-10 seconsds worth. Come on we were in the middle of the airport, I couldn't grope a breast or undo a belt! Cougars are classy, they don't get nasty in public. Before I knew it, I was on my way.

On the way to my gate I was thinking of my near miss. I arrive at my gate to find that my flight was indeed cancelled. First things first, I call up the Cougar. She's in line to board her flight. She asks "Do you want me to get out of line?" I wanted to scream YES, but I couldn't bring myself to make someone miss a flight home and decided to let her go her own way. I'm an idiot, an imebicle, a putz, a lunatic. You get the picture.

I picked up my luggage, headed outside, and hopped on the first hotel shuttle that came my way. It didn't matter where I was going at that point. I got a room wherever I ended up and lo and behold received a phone call from the Cougar. Her plane was on hold on the tarmac. There was hope for Rampage yet. I told the Cougar that I had a room. She said she would let me know if the flight was cancelled, and if so head to my hotel room. I proceeded to the bar to wait out the scenario and got sauced on Vodka Tonics. However, it was not to be. The Cougar's flight eventually took off. Till we meet again Cougar, till we meet again!

Fade to Black......


gianluca said

what a pussy. Mrs. Schiffler ripe for the taking. Did you get to the room and finish knitting your afghan?

athooks said

I was fully expecting to have to publicly flog you for getting on your flight and missing out- but then your flight really does get cancelled and you tell her to get HER flight? It's like the poon-tang God's blessed you and you spit in their face. I'm sorry to approach this subject, but this is a Brad Lidge type bomb you just surrendered. 2 years from now when your a blubbering mess, flogging the dolphin every Saturday night, you'll look back on this move...

Cpt Morgan said

As I sit and read this, thoroughly entertained, I can't help but think that although Cobra was pushing you to seal this...It appears his well natured highly ethical and moral attitude is rubbing off on the Buck. I'm still shaking my head however, slightly disappointed in the final outcome...

"The Cougar told me to call her if my flight was cancelled because get this, she would purposefully miss her flight."

On a more brighter note, Cobra was right, last night I was in the works of getting Peter Gammons to throw out a sweet shooter...Did this actually happen? You will have to wait and find out, look for it later tonight or tomorrow...

Jack Cobra said

Trust me, he's been catching quite a bit of shit about what happened....

What none of you realize is that I will see the Cougar again. It's guranteed. You gotta leave them wanting more.

Cpt Morgan said

Or keeping them thinking how you have no balls...?

gianluca said

I'm sure she respects you now and considers you a "friend". Which means gay or non-threatening in woman speak so you got that going for you.

Redhead said

Do you have plans to see the Cougar again or do you just have faith you will? I mean, while I can't speak for Cougars in general I can speak for women, and I don't think it looks good for you here. You wimped out when it came to closing the deal - you should have told her to get out of line - and I wouldn't give you a second chance. But good luck.

Ouch. Hey, take it easy on NoFuck Rampage. Blown opportunities is what being a under-25 is all about...

That being said... wow, man. Does a chick have to jump on your d*ck for you to get the hint ;)

I will see the Cougar again. I travel to her hometown quite often throughout the year and see her everytime I'm there. I'll probably be down there in the next month. I realize the error in my ways and will correct it at that time.

SML, I realized she was all over it, but never actually thought for a second that she was going to get off of her plane. I would have rather she jumped on my d*ck, then we wouldn't of had to waste time eating/drinking.

Jack Cobra said

Since you screwed up this meeting so bad I demand that you not only do her next time you see her, but you also must impregnate her.....twice

The GM said

And...you have to call her "Stiffler's mom" while doing/impregnating her!

It's only fair to the readers that you do this.

Cpt Morgan said

I find it very interesting to bleep out d*ck, but NoFuck is fair game...these are our readers...

I will sign up for both Jack's and The GM's suggestions.

gianluca said

... and you have to pee standing up.

You see, when you combine the words No and F*ck, it's not a curse word. NoFuck. When they are seperate, there is a different connotation, No F*ck. See the difference there?

Jack Cobra said

Listen, no excuses. If you would have just done 'The Shooter' on her the panties would have instantly dropped and you would have been forced into action.

Redhead said

Wait, so do you just travel to where she lives a lot or do you work with her? Because if you just travel there a lot, I'm all for you doing whatever you want to/with her, but if you work with her, you can't touch her. It would have been fine if you went through it last time (it all happened in one day, you got swept away, it wasn't planned, clearly a one-night thing, etc.). But if you go back to her, having stopped and thought about it, AND you work with her? This is going to blow up in your face.

The GM said

I disagree with Redhead. Being in uncomfortable work situations is what work is about. At LEAST, get some hot cougar lovin out of it!

gianluca said

...agree wholeheartedly with the GM. Couple uncomfortable moments due to work hookups are all part of being a grown up. Besides, people change jobs all the time.

Jack Cobra said

I believe, technically....she works for Buck, but he works with her on certain programs...if that makes sense.

I'm hopeful that this blows up in his face so that it makes a better story. Plus, he needs to live a little.

Redhead said

No, it's uncomfortable if you get swept up in the moment and it's a mistake/one-time thing (you're right, that's totally part of being an adult). But it's a disaster when it's a planned thing (ESPECIALLY if she works for you - good God are you a moron?). You can get ass anywhere Buck, don't do this to yourself.

Jack Cobra said

Do it Buck...this could be your last chance. You own a house in a very small town where the women are not that attractive. You drink mass quantities of alcohol and have an unfortunate affection for the Cardinals. This may be your last chance to be happy in life....do it.....do it...

The GM said

I endorse this "bad decision" to be made. It's only a bad decision if you both regret it!

First of all, we do not work with each other. We work for seperate companies. Our companies just work together on a project and she is not a person I deal with on the project. She doesn't even sit in on any of the meetings we have when I am there.

Bad decision or not, the attempt will be made.

Jack Cobra said

fake boobs are apparently a great motivator for Buck.

Boobs in general pretty much do the trick.....

Bruce Paine said

I sit dumbfounded. I thought that Buck rampage was going to get in there and lay some f*cking pipe. There is one rule for sex: If it walks slow enough, F*CK IT! If it is at work, F*CK IT! If it is at school, F*CK IT! I can't think of anything to help you get through a work day better than sex. You have a government job Buck, if you start sleeping with people at work you might be able to F*CK your way to the White House. Others have done it. I am interested to know if the Redhead is into threesomes. if there is one thing Bruce Paine knows it is how to show women the joy of immorality.

Jack Cobra said

Um, I'm going to go ahead and take a little bit of control here and ask that Redhead please ignore the question from Bruce. He can go off the range every once in awhile.

I wasn't going to make this public just yet, but Redhead's site will be showcased at some point.

Bruce Paine said

you take the fun out of everything Jack. All I want to do is explore the growing distance between traditional notions of commitment and monogamy and the burgeoning world of sexual discovery. As we move into a society ruled by the internet it would appear that the variety of informational material on the topic of human sexuality is changing the way many people think and they are pushing their boundaries farther back. Why, just today, I read a blog about a young man endeavoring to get nasty with an older woman and one of his friends encouraged him to "shoot it in her face" and enter into a menage avec Burt et la Cougar. At what point did society determine this to be acceptable and at what point did the Brigade cross over? How far are some people willing to go to discover the edge of their own envelope? Why is it still embarrassing for some and casual for others? Where and when do people make these mood shifts and what causes them? I just want answers Jack, just answers. I am a man that ponders all things with an open and benevolent mind. I mean no one any harm. I radiate peace and security for all those around me. I am the hug when you need it, the shoulder to cry on. Come to me world, I am here for you.

Jack Cobra said

I know you mean no harm....others might not know you as well. As I've said before, this is a site primarily aimed towards men but I don't want women to think they can't come here and hang out. Sometimes you have friends that are girls who you can talk about anything with. Sometimes you have friends that are girls that you have to be a little more 'proper' with.

I prefer to error on the side of caution so no one feels uncomfortable....at least at first.

On the other hand, we try to make gianluca feel as uncomfortable as possible at all times.

The GM said

Bruce Paine parles francais? Tres bien!

Bruce Paine said

C'est vrais. je pense que je suis l'homme qui gange les coeurs de toutes les femmes. haha. Mais, Jack n'est pas juste. Je parle pour le comedie, il ne comprends pas. C'est ma vie, les personnes ne me comprend. Vous comprenez je suppose

Jack Cobra said

You're certainly funny Bruce

Redhead said

Well I certainly missed a lot yesterday. And right off the bat, I don't care about "proper." But...ummm, Bruce - while I appreciate the dissertation on sexual discovery, you're creeping me out dude.

mcbias said

Ah, a comment section filled with relentless optimism. How pleasant... and naive. They're called "cougars" for a reason. I'm thinking of one of my classmates who ended up marrying a single mom a decade older than him. Sure, you think you're going to get off easy, that you're in control, but those cougars have claws. Think the cougar hasn't been through a dozen rabbits, err, younger men like Buck? In my opinion you got off easy, young Buck, and you should stick with the amateurs and steer clear of the pros. Of course, at this point I'm like the Dutch boy in the story, only I'm trying to put my finger in the sand to stop a hurricane, ha. But I just thought Buck should get some advice from the other side too.

mcbias said

Although I have to say, the area you visited is one of the few where women outnumber men in this country (#1 or #2 on the map; don't ask why I know this, heh). I spent some time there, and it's one of the few areas of the country where women actually thought I was hot (first time I've ever been asked on a date). Basically, it's not you, it's the fact that women in that area are really really desperate. So there are shrewd, secular reasons for keeping your options open.

Jack Cobra said

McBias...i'm still trying to decide whether you were complimenting Buck or not.

"Sure, you think you're going to get off easy, that you're in control, but those cougars have claws. Think the cougar hasn't been through a dozen rabbits, err, younger men like Buck? In my opinion you got off easy, young Buck, and you should stick with the amateurs and steer clear of the pros."


mcbias said

Jack, I would compliment Buck up to this point. I think Buck pulled off the perfect ego boost and should stop while he's ahead. It's clear that el cougarino (I don't think that's a real word in any language, ha) was willing to submit to the alpha male and put all four paws in the air. But to actually get seriously involved with a cougar... again, I don't like messing with pros. They see the game 4 moves ahead of what you do, and then you find out you're not even playing the same game you thought you were. (Thankfully speaking from observation, not experience). And, just to randomly ask...was this lady named Laurel or Julie?

Who ever said anything about getting seriously involved? I'm prowling on the fringes waiting for the opportune moment to pounce on some frivilous coitus!

mcbias said

And you're sure she thinks the same way, that this is a frivolous pairing? That to her, this isn't her last chance to breed and unleash her demon, alien spawn on the earth? (Oh wait, that was Species, never mind). To acquire that little house with the picket fence in some small town that doesn't have inflated housing prices? To domesticate you? Oh, poor Buck...you know what cougars do to deer?

Jack Cobra said

I can't wait until Buck meets her kids. That's going to make for an awesome Part 3.....especially if she has a hot daughter.

Funny stuff there MCBias.

Jack, that type of comment is going to leave Bruce frothing at the mouth. The menage a trois pairing of mother and daughter could possibly cause his body to implode.

Bruce Paine said

giggity giggity gigBAM!!!!!

mohsen said

i love you.

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