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Jan
14
2008

Entertainers Want Piece of Steroid Pie

waxman-wrestles.jpgWith the ever blurring line between Sports and Entertainment, I was not surprised to read of a steroid investigation turning up the names of some popular entertainers. With all kinds of sports stars becoming actors, rappers, dancers and moguls it's no surprise to hear that the entertainment world is finally tyring to keep up with their athletic brethren. The entertainers were named in connection with an Albany, NY based steroid investigation. According to the report, the providers of the drugs are the subject of the investigation and criminal probe, not the named entertainers. Follow after the jump for the names of entertainers that were listed on the probe.  
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mary-j-blige-picture-1.jpgMary J. Blige - This has to explain how the "Queen of Hip Hop Soul" has made such a resurgence in the last few years. No way a woman gets a booty AND pipes like that without some extra help on the side. I say take away her 6 Grammy's pronto. Hell take away all 26 of her nominations. They mean nothing with this news....nothing. Aretha Franklin frowns upon you Mary! 

 

 

 

50-Cent-Pictures-75.jpg50 Cent - Really the only person on the list that you ever looked at and thought yeah.....he's definitely taking steroids. Dude has like an 8-pack going on with his abs. Does this news make him not as tough now? Does his street thug persona take a hit from this report? I say it does. No way he would have survived those 9 gun shot wounds if he was clean. Maybe 5 gun shot wounds, but not 9. No way in hell could a straight laced dude survive 9. This also means that 50 has some 'splainin to do with all this "Magic Stick" talk. We all know if you're on the juice that your shit is shriveled up like month old prunes. So come on 50, tell us the truth, this "Magic Stick" isn't real is it? It's just a way to bloat your already super sized ego to compensate for your "Tragicly small Dick".  

 

timbaland-picture-1.jpgTimbaland - They can't be serious with this one right? Ole pudgy Timbaland is on Roids? What???? Were him and Missy Elliot shooting each other up in their fat asses while recording the trippy "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)"? I don't thinks so! It's more likely that they were taking some huge bong rips and acid trips if you ask me. Maybe steroids increases the right brain function in your mind so you can create dope beats. Hmmm. Or maybe Timbaland and Kanye were doping when they came up with this line "Work it, make it, do it, Makes us harder, better, faster, STRONGER!" Sounds like Roid Rage to me..... 

 

 

wyclef.jpgWyclef Jean - Not sure what to say here. Maybe Wyclef is completely ripped under his clothing? I dunno. I thought Haitian's were all about the Bud, and oh yeah erasing memories. He's pretty good at guitar so maybe he took some Roids to work out those fingers for some mind bending solo work? Or maybe he had to take the steroids as an act of self defense to protect himself from that crazy Lauryn Hill?

 

tyler perry.jpgTyler Perry - I don't know much, if anything about this guy other than he makes not very funny shows. Maybe I haven't seen all of his material, but what I've seen so far sucks. So I think he needs to take more steroids.

 

You be the judge. Did they take steroids or not? Do you care or not? If they did, your favorite entertainer could be nothing more than a no good doper! Can you deal with that? Luckily, I can.

3 Comments
The GM said

Timbaland is actually pretty ripped now. I'm surprised Busta Rhymes isn't on this list.

Bruce said

So, does this mean that TBS has to change the title of Tyler Perry's show to "House of 'Roids"?

grifter said

yeah, timbaland was actually an amatuer body builder for a little while.

he's starting to get fat again, though.

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