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I need the Patriots to not be cheaters.

By Bruce Paine  |  Comments (10) | Hype It Up!  |   Filed Under: Football
It looks like the Patriots are a bunch of cheaters.  I need them to stop being jokers and just compete.  I hate the Pats, I am supposed to, I am a Colts fan, but it appears like they have a habit of trying to cheat. 
   I, like many males, like to compete with my friends.  Perhaps my best competitor is a gentleman I have previously mentioned as The Chief.  Though we don't always compete in sports like basketball and baseball, on the football field or in hunting or at the shooting range or on the judo mat or during a board game (Risk, for example) I want to stomp his head into the deck like the piece of crap he is.  Eric_Man.jpgI enjoy competing with my buddies because they have been hand selected as trustworthy individuals and it is more fun to establish dominance over someone you love.  Shakespeare believed that there were many kinds of love, and that the trust and love of friends and brothers, even in competition, was as righteous a love as any other.  I am inclined to agree. 
   I need the Patriots to not be cheaters.  They have been the nemesis of the Colts for quite a while, and I would sincerely like that competition to maintain an air of purity.  If the strides that Manning and company have taken over the last two seasons in "figuring out" the Pats are to be heralded as victories it must be because the wins were righteous.  If the Pats were cheating, with Rodney Harrison on HGH and what now appears to be a spying ring the Pats staff has been involved in for some time, then it would appear that the Colts never needed to surmount the team, but rather, their deceitful machinations.  That would tarnish things for me quite a bit.   I have no doubt that The Chief would have gained any advantage possible during a judo match as long as it was within the bounds of what we both considered fair.  I can trust him to do that.  That makes my losses justified, and any victory sound. 
   I would expect this sort of thing to be swept under the rug.  The NFL makes a lot of money off the resurgence of the New England Patriots.  They view one of the nations largest metropolitan areas as a cash cow they can milk the same way the MLB and NBA view the Sox and Celtics, so I don't expect much to come from this even if it is proven true and nefarious.  I am sure Bill Simmons will ignore it or refer to it as "gamesmanship" and claim that it is something everyone does.  There may be a slap on the wrist coming, maybe.  But none of these things satisfy what I need, which is to have the New England Patriots win, or preferably lose, fair and square. 
   I have said it before, I have no athletic skill.  During any sporting event all I have is a naturally aggressive mentality and a little bit of heart.  Consequently, I view any competition I partake in as something with a touch of poetry attached, and cheating fouls all that up.   I need the things in my life to have a touch of purity, which is hard to get if you see the internet from time to time.  I need women to be with me because they want to be, not because they were paid or had low self-esteem.  I need competitors to lose, not because I was cheating, but because I was better.  I need competitors to beat me, not because they were cheating, but because THEY were better.  It is never just a win or a loss, memories and stories don't follow things that were just wins or losses.  God is in the details and, for me, it is about how you win and how you lose.   I can't sit around a campfire and tell heroic epics about how I screwed a guy to win, it makes me look weak and small.  I need the purity in winning or the story sucks, and the story gets remembered. 

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mcbias said

(stands up to clap) Brilliant, especially the last paragraph. Wow. I think that's the best article I've read on this site yet.

Bruce Paine said

so was you post on Blanka Vlasic, but I am not a member so I can't post on it.
I have a buddy who is a sprinter at IU, and I was never into track and field until i went to watch the Big Ten 200 meter finals he was running in, since I have been a big fan. I saw the track meet you linked too and that that skinny broad was something so when I saw it on MCB I thought that was right on.

Jack Cobra said

I've looked at about 15 articles about this issue in the past hour, so I'm now an expert....I'm sure if the Pats are found guilty then The Commish is going to come down extremely hard on them. He wants to run a tight, clean ship it seems and he's not going to be pushed around by anyone.

The GM said

I would love to lay down a Risk challenge to you Senor Paine.

Bruce Paine said

True dat, Jack, but i also think that ESPN has a tremendous influence on this topic in particular. Tehy could come down tough and make it look bad in their coverage or they could lay off and call it gamesmanship. They make an awful lot of money catering their coverage to the Boston area. I have not heard them call it cheating, yet, but in watching the Monday Night Countdown and the Cincy baltimore game i have heard the word gamesmanship probably six times in relation to the topic. Goody might not come down very hard if there isn't much public outcry, and there might not be much of that if ESPN doesn't jump on the Pats. I worry about this kind of thing a lot. I think sports are made to be a very pure experience for the people playing and the people watching, but the desire to win overcomes the desire to be clean. ESPN only exacerbates the desire to win at all costs. I am all for "gamesmanship" if it means restitching the jersey to make it tighter, learning the name of an opponents mother to talk shit in a game, or my favorite, singing the Macarena at a guy during a sectional game until he can't get it out of his mind, but I think spying in-game goes a little far. Oh, and it is expressly forbidden in the leagues conduct policy but appears to be something the Pats have been doing for a while. I am attempting to talk to someone who may be in the know on the topic.

Bruce Paine said

but I do hope you are right, jack.

GM - anytime is fine but I have to say that the game between the Chief and I is now no longer who wins, but who can convince the other players to take the other guy out first. It has completely degenerated to animalistic manipulation. horrible horrible thing that

The GM said

So you are saying that your Risk games aren't pure? F-that! This Saturday, I am down there to watch the USC/Nebraska game at your house...have the battlefield ready to roll!

Oh, by the way, when I was in Iraq, our Risk games turned into a cheap, debaucherous (i make words too), "if you run down the hall in a thong, i'll take him out of the game" kind of deal. Had to do something to break the tension!

Bruce Paine said

no, I am not saying they aren't pure, i am saying our interpretations of what the competition is about have changed. Essentially we don't play games, we just discover different mediums in which we can compete and humiliate the other person. Risk, as a medium, has become a competition to determine who can manipulate the ohter players into going after one of us so aggressively that we are knocked out the earliest, even if it costs us the game ourselves. The Chief is one of the finest natural born leaders I have ever encountered, and possesses an inherent likeability that surpasses my own. Consequently he has an edge in manipulating others in attacking me. It is quite frustrating since, as you know, I am not the most likeable person and can sometimes come off as...abrasive to folks who haven't been exposed to my more admirable traits. (Like my sexual prowess or willingness to help people move) Regardless, the medium is dynamic but the intention is static: crush the hopes and dreams of my best friends by any means necessary and laugh like a jackal while doing it. I also have other options from Risk that are more dynamic. To be honest, I have had my risk board since the 7th grade and that sonovabitch has seen some use. it looks like a textbook from the fifties.

PS when my buddy tank got back from Iraq he said that I had missed out, and that I belonged in Iraq. Thanks to you, I am getting closer to figuring out what he meant. Unless he said i belonged in a rack, as in subject to the Inquisition , which has an entirely different meaning I suppose.

Anonymous said

Kind of gives a little context to the tight-lipped forced demeanor between Mangini and Belichick. I'm betting they were never friends, and now that Mangini doesn't work for B. any more, he is free to treat him like the humorless dick he knows him to be.

Bruce Paine said

I certainly agree. Belichick is a turd and cheats on his wife. If he is filming people then mangini would certainly know it.

It should be said, I don't disagree with stealing signals. If you can figure out the other guys communications that it a great advantage. But you have to be doing it with instinct and attention on the field and sidelines for me to accept it. If you are using technology in the form of cameras or mics (which is expressly forbidden) then I can't go along with it. My beloved Colts have been accused several times of stealing signals but never with cameras. Peyton has often been accused of stealing signals simply because he notices a signal come in from the sideline to the defense and remembers what defensive set that sparked. Next time he sees it he knows what is going to happen. That sort of thing is his freakin job, and he is doing it the right way, and it is true "gamesmanship".

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