9:01 am

Buck Rampage: I'm pretty sure I have an older woman hitting on me during this conference. Just got a voicemail from her asking me to have  lunch with her.

Jack Cobra: Look, I'll be honest with you Buck. This may be your last chance to impregnate a woman. Take a chance.

Buck Rampage: And she's a good looking woman. Hopefully the people in the restaurant won't mind a lil sex in their midst.

Jack Cobra: Here's the trick. Go to your room beforehand and store the rampage seed in a bottle. Take said bottle to lunch. After the appetizer give her said bottle along with the instructions on how to properly 'plant the seed'. That's how Rampage rolls

Buck: Very nice plan. I think that will work perfectly. I've checked out already. I can use the restroom. BTW I've already walked into the ladies room today. Unnoticed, but I shot out of there like a bullet once I realized what was going on.

Jack: But you did take a picture from underneath one of the stalls right?

Just do the chick. Hit it and quit it. If she's that old she's probably already had a hysterectomy, so you are good to go. Oh no, actually...shoot it in her face. Yeah, in her face.

I'm copying and pasting this to post on the website.

Buck: Not going with the money shot. I've always wanted to pull off the Houdini. I think this is the time and the place where it is finally going to happen.

One other thing. This is a chick that works at the place I always travel to in (undisclosed location). Awkward moments will surely come in the future as a result.

I'm completely for posting this. Of course with names blocked out to protect the innocent.

Jack: No, no...smokey tornado time!

Buck: I'm not familiar with this smokey tornado.

Jack: When she's going down on you, set your pubes on fire and waif the smoke into her face

Buck: That's intriguing.

Jack: You'd have to have a lighter with you though.

Buck: Luckily I don't. Not only would having melted pubes on your face suck, but the smell of burning hair could be unbearable.

Jack: Much like a tornado

Buck: A smokey tornado! Now I get it.  brilliant!

Jack: Ankiel got called up today

Buck: Awesome. Ill have to write about it tonight.

11:32 am

Buck: During lunch I got the extended lean into from the lady, then got the arm grab slash lean into, then got the invite for drinks at the airport. This lady is a freakin cougar!

Jack: This should teach you an important lesson. When driving a hybrid car, this is what happens.

You have to hit that before the airport. Also, get a picture of this cougar.

Buck: Go to the breakroom and turn it on fox news in 3 min. I should be on tv.

Jack: What? Come on, I'm working, yo!

Jack: Just take a picture with your phone!

Buck: I don't have my verizon phone on me.

Jack: I'm not sure I can post this, I'm going through it again and....it's pretty much well above R-rated

Buck: Send me a draft copy. Well work it out.

Jack: Ok, it's attached, can you read attachments. Obviously, the finale will be after you do her.

12:04 pm

Buck: I love it all. That is a timid exchange at best. Love the document name also. (RampagevsCougar)

The deed most likely will not get done unless it happens in an airport bathroom stall. My favorite location with which to unleash the dragon.

Jack: If it must be in a bathroom stall, it must be in a bathroom stall. Do not let that stop you. Plus, they have hand blow dryers in there, which can be used for foreplay I'm guessing.

1:18pm

Buck: Uh oh. She's riding to the airport with me.

Jack: Oh boy, good times ahead. Hello road head....i can't believe that damn blackberry doesn't have a camera on it.

Buck: Can't because of the base restrictions.

This is like one of those pick your adventure or whatever books. Better options just keep popping up before me.

Jack: If you come away empty handed I will be extremely disappointed.

Jack: Oh yeah, word of advice...don't get the clap

Buck: Better than the drip. I'm not totally sure if those are different though.

Buck: I wouldn't count on much. But we'll see. I have no previous cougar experience. Always gotta start somewhere though.

Jack: Look man, you have to play this as if Jesus Christ himself is giving you this opportunity. This is like Thanksgiving Dinner. All the food is out on the table, you just have to have the balls to fill up your plate.

Buck: You are cracking some nice ones today.

Jack: Hey, the cream rises to the top. You only get an opportunity like this so many times in life.

Buck: What I need is some eminem playing in the background.

Jack: Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment Would you capture it or just let it slip?

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out He's chokin, how everybody's jokin now The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!

Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked He's so mad, but he won't give up that Easy, no He won't have it , he knows his whole back's to these ropes It don't matter, he's dope He knows that, but he's broke He's so stagnant that he knows When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's Back to the lab again yo This whole rap shit He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

Buck: Please return your seats to their upright position. No deal.

She just snuck in that some guy named burt is tagging along. I hate burt now. BTW that song is a lot harder to read along to than it is to sing to.

Jack: In my best Costanza voice, "Is the term ménage a trois?"

Buck: Burt equals dude. No!!!

Jack: Maybe he'll fall asleep on the way to the airport or take a nap while you are at the bar drinking.

Buck: He is somewhat old. Cross your fingers.

Jack: Oh, maybe he'll just die then.

Fade to black.......

Part 2 - The Conclusion....on Tuesday

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